Lately I've had a lot of things that have made me feel...sadly reminiscent? A talk with an old friend, trying to figure out what life after college is going to entail, feeling like I am so far from the things that I loved just a few years ago. I have so much to look forward to that I am so ready for, and so excited about--getting married (eek!!), the possibility of graduate school which will put me one step closer to my career goals, the opportunity to move on from undergraduate school, a whole new life and all new doors opening up before me.
Maybe it's because the myriad of decisions I could make is terrifying and I can't wait to have some things figured out. Maybe it's because four years is a whole lot longer than it seems. Maybe it's because things may seem bad when you're in the midst of them but when you look back the fond memories are what surface more than anything. And right now, although I am very happy with my life, I see how far away many of those fond memories are.
I had a conversation with my best friend last night. We're both graduating this year. She said to me, "Jess, why would anyone ever think that they could let us grow up??!" I am ready for it, but I am terrified about it. This is such a terrifying and exciting stage of life. I cannot dwell on the past. I just hope I can hold tight to some of the threads that kept me strong and moving through some of the tough times of the past. I hope that the memories I hold tight to are not just rose-colored reminiscences, but Ebenezer stones.
And that's how I like to look at my life. All of the things in the past are building stones, monument stones, that help me remember where I have been and show me where I want to go. I pray these fond memories will never turn grey, because even though they make me sad at how much has changed, they remind me of how great life truly is. And as these changes continue in the years to come, I pray that more stones will be added to the pile, and that, in the end, I will be able to look back upon my life with a fondness in my heart and a love for all of those who have shared it with me.
I'm ready for what's to come.
